Updates

In case you were wondering where I stand with all the above dates:

Chuck is still in my phone, we text maybe once a week just to see what the other is up to. Boring.

Cute Groomsman The bride wrote me this amazing thank you email and said she was excited that I was dancing with one of the groomsmen. I told her that he disappeared after the wedding and she said, ohhh I’m not sure what happened. Meh.

Pickle We are still matched on Tinder, so I see his ‘moments’ which are like snapchats for Tinder. He took a photo of himself half naked and I was surprised at how good he looked under clothes.

Bono yeah, that shiz ended real quick.

Bill I stopped texting him for a few days and his first text to me “Ok really? What did I do?” I told him he was super full of himself and I felt like I would never be as important as he is to himself. He responded with, “is it bad that I think I’m good-looking and love my body?” I said no, but you’ve never told me that I’m good looking. Then he started talking about vacuuming….so there’s that. I still think he’s super hot.

Nixon I asked the groom for his number because I wanted to apologize, but the groom didn’t give it to me. I’m not sure what went down, but oops. I still feel kind of bad.

Cuban Nuffin Muffin.

Willy I accidentally got drunk and stood him up the other night. He called me yesterday to see what happened. SO serious….he still wants to hang out but I’m not sure I’m feeling it anymore.

Did I get hot? Maybe, but I haven’t heard from any of those boys since.

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Get a load of this guy: This guy named John (real name) hit me up on OkCupid. He’s a pretty good looking red-head who has a nice body. Here’s the thing, he knows it. We chatted for a bit on OKC and he quickly asked if we could Snapchat instead because he doesn’t use the OKC app as much. Sure, I could do that.

He sent a couple photos of himself, normal selfies. Then all of a sudden it’s him in the shower, at the gym, and they are getting obnoxious. So I joke around asking, selfie much? He got ALL DEFENSIVE like I called him fat or something. Like a broken record, he kept stating: “this weeds out the prudes and the people who don’t like to have fun.” Oh..ok…whatever.

THEN this dick proceeds to say “So are all Asians as prude as they seem?”

…Are you f&%^ing kidding me? Who the hell deemed you the king of defining what prude means, and how dare you generalize all Asians. You know nothing about me but think it appropriate to ask me that question as if I will succumb to your male chauvinistic attitude. My friend Annie (name changed) put it best: One: he will not be finding out any time soon. Two: the Kama Sutra is Asian. So, no. Three: creepers like him should be branded so the rest of us will know him before trying to talk to him.

His snapchat: LJohnL — branded.

Wedding Sandwich

Happy Monday ❤ I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

I had the pleasure of being in a friend’s wedding on Friday along with five amazing gals AND six adorable groomsmen. How adorable do you ask? Well let’s just say two of them caught my eye –  Nixon and Cuban (names changed). Cuban was my aisle and grand entrance buddy and Nixon was the best man. Here is a little bit about them:

Nixon: 32, tall, dark, and handsome. He is like the boy-next-door. Great smile. He is literally 6’5″ or taller, people often mistake him for someone famous or a basketball player. In fact, sometimes when he walks around with Cuban (yup, they are friends and were roommates), they pretend that Nixon is someone famous by covering dramatically covering his face with his hands while Cuban says “no photos, please.” Hilarious! He lives in Florida and manages a grocery store. He is also at the tail-end of a divorce.

Cuban: 46, clean cut, kind and driven. Great smile too. Not as tall as Nixon, but is adventurous! He is from Florida as well, owns a house down there and rents it out (where he met the bride and groom years ago) but is moving to Denver this week. He works in software development. I learned later that he has two children, 24 and 20.

When I met the both of them at the rehearsal dinner, I was instantly drawn to Nixon  because he is very cute. He also is funny and sweet right off the bat. Cuban was really quiet and just joked around a bit, but only with the boys. In either case, I didn’t really give them much thought because of how my last wedding story went..I was just there to have a good time with the girls and the bride & groom. Later that night, the groom came back with us to chat for a bit and asked if I was dating again, and I said yes. It seemed slightly suspicious, but I just played dumb. At the wedding, he told me it was Nixon who was asking about me.

All day, I played coyly towards Nixon and was just there to do my bridesmaids duty. Finally, when we went out to take group photos – we all oddly bonded over the fact that we were all sweating balls because the only HOT day in Chicago this summer just had to be that day. That is when I saw the personality of Cuban really come out. He was so sweet, and asked questions about myself and my future. I love when people are actually interested in more than what I do and where I live. I kept getting mixed signals from him for the rest of the night, so I decided that it wasn’t worth looking into anymore until I was standing outside in the courtyard talking to some friends and he came running out to ask me to dance with him, a slow dance. What makes it even cuter is that the dance floor was on the second floor and he went to a locked door and knocked until he got my attention. He said I owed him at least one dance as this aisle partner in crime. Smitten Kitten.

He held me tight and was the perfect height for a slow dance. While we were dancing, I took notice that Nixon was dancing with all of the grandmas…freaking adorable. Now I didn’t know which one I wanted to flirt and dance the night away with. Fast forward an hour, my confidence sky rocketed with liquid luck and I asked one of the bridesmaids what I should do. She said, always go for the one you want more. Cuban.

He was outside smoking a Cuban cigar (haha no pun intended), so I asked him to follow me inside. I dragged him into this private area and just said how attracted I was to him. I don’t think I was asking for a relationship but implied that we should keep talking. This is how I vaguely remember the conversation going:
Me: I think you’re really cute, and I just wanted to let you know.
Cuban: I’m really flattered, but you’re closer in age to my children than to me.
Me: I don’t care, I don’t want kids anyway. Plus Demi Moore + Ashton Kutcher.
C: Yes, I’m really flattered again. But I just can’t.
M: Is it too weird?
C: Yes
M: Because of the age thing?
C: Yup. I’m seriously really flattered but I can’t. No hard feelings right?
M: (smile) Nah, we’re good. You’ll still teach me to snowboard?
C: Yes, come out to Denver anytime.

I was a little bummed, but I mostly noticed how he didn’t say anything about me being pretty or being attracted to me. Was I totally reading this wrong? Plus I saw him checking out other chicks my age…meh.

Since I couldn’t have him, I went directly for Nixon. I knew I could have him in a heartbeat. I probably shouldn’t have, but I was on a damn mission now. I started kissing him on the dance floor and then I pulled him into that same private room and we ended up having the sexy time. One of the hottest things was that because he was so tall, and strong, he just picked my ass up (like in Fast and the Furious – someone please find me this gif). No one has ever picked me up like that before. Mmm!!

Then I don’t remember anything but grabbing my panties, my suitcase and peacing out. I woke up with cheese in my bed, and naked. Good thing my roommate wasn’t home, because it was his cheese.

I asked the groom for Nixon’s number the next day and I saw that the groom read my text but hadn’t gotten back to me. I guess Nixon didn’t want me to have it – I hope things didn’t end too poorly. So I just asked the groom to tell Nixon that I was really sorry. I felt super dirty all weekend, like I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not sure why I was so gung-ho about finding someone to hook up with?

I promise I am classier than this. I need to calm my shiz down, or I need Chuck to man up and give me some good sex again. We randomly snapchat, or text but never seem to meet up. I’m pretty sure he’s done with me but I can’t seem to get over it.

Also, now that I no longer have access to anything related to my ex, I really am starting to miss her. I fucking hate that.

What gripes me

Just a mini vent session about the things that irritate me on these apps. Do they bother you too, or am I just a spaz?

TINDER

Blurry Photos – Who do you think you’re fooling when your photo is blurry? Are you hiding something? I honestly have no idea what you look like and let’s face it..Tinder is pretttyyyyy superficial.

One photo, only of your body sans face.  – It’s great that you’re proud of your six-pack but that’s not what I will look at when we are having conversations, or even having sex. Are you ashamed to be on Tinder?

Double-up – Yep, I saw you on Happn too. Yes I sent you a little ❤ and we “crushed,” and now we are a “match” on Tinder but we still have never said 2 words to each other/ you don’t respond to my messages.

Poor Grammar – YOUR v. YOU’RE v. YORE. I joked around when I was chatting with this guy after using the wrong ‘your’. He responded and said “I don’t have time to decide which you’re or your it is.” Unmatched.

Messaging me at 4am – Please just stop. You think that even if I was up, that would be a good time to respond and then potentially meet up?

Short visits – You know those people who are visiting for work or a personal trip. Truly makes it a hook-up app. Not bad if that’s what you’re looking for but super bummer if I find you very attractive.

HAPPN

Messaging – I seriously think the people on Happn are not in it for anything but window shopping. I message all of my crushes a quick “hi” and hear a very low rate of 2% back. What’s up with that?

Charm – When I send someone a ❤ and I cross paths with them again, Happn reminds me that they have not liked me back yet and that I could Charm them. Kind of makes me feel ooglay.

Notifications – All my notifications are on, but I still don’t always see when messages or new crushes come through.  Weird, right?

I know, I know. I’m not taking these seriously, I’m just a little critical about user-friendliness 😀 Now back to swiping and ❤ -ing. Oh, and dancing!

Always a planner, never a bride.

I hope you had a wonderful 4th of July. ‘Murica.

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Aside from working in the events industry, I also coordinate and plan weddings. July 3, 2015 was a beautiful day to get married, congratulations again T&R. The groom is Mexican and comes from a big ol family with lots of laughter and love. I would be lying if I said that I never wanted to be Mexican. They have awesome food, the amazing spanish RRRRRRRR, and big, loving families and groups of friends. As I saw this couple interact with their loved ones, I wanted to be a part of their group. My work as a day-of coordinator slooowwwsss dramatically after dinner is served, so in pure me fashion, I stationed myself up at the DJ booth. The DJ and I got along swimmingly and we have the same sense of mocking humor, so it was a fun night! I bet you think this story is going to be about how the DJ was hitting on me, shiz got weird….wellll….it’s not 🙂 For some reason, this wedding group was more in to taking photos with every single person at the wedding. The dance floor was bare for a good hour. I don’t play like that, so I ask the DJ for specific ‘ohh man, that’s my jam! Let’s go dance‘ songs. Crickets. Without realizing it, I start to dance with myself near the DJ booth and all of a sudden I hear, “Hey, you did a great job coordinating this all today. It was really organized and fun!” I turn. OH HELLO CUTE GROOMSMAN I was eyeing during the ceremony.

Maybe this is my chance to swoop into the group (I’m sucha creep). I thanked him and asked why he wasn’t on the dance floor. He said, “I saw you dancing..do you want to dance with me?” Sure! He was showing me how to properly bachata, freaking adorable. Of course, my nose sweats when I get nervous and then my glasses started fogging up…I couldn’t even take my glasses off because he was holding my hands and I didn’t want to let go (cheese). After the song was over, we ended up taking for a good 20 minutes about our jobs, our families, what food we like, bad roommate stories, etc. Yay for decent conversation, finally! Isn’t there always a catch? He asked how old I was and in pure girl fashion, I responded with “how old do you think I am?” He says “24 or 25.” Not baaadd since I’m 29. Then I asked how old he was and he said 38. RED FLAG: you thought I was 24 and you knowingly went to hit on someone 14 years your junior? Woof. Oh and he has two daughters, 8 and 10… AND is still super close to the baby momma. I don’t play that game. I am 98.9% sure I don’t want kids. aanndddd then a baby momma too? Nonetheless, he was still fun to talk to. He kept coming back to the dance floor to talk to me and then asked me to dance a few more times. I kept it professional, because I was still on the clock but I did get a little wink from the bride. At the end of the night, he asked for my card – I don’t have any yet – so I said I would write down my info when I was done. I went back into coordinator mode and was helping everyone breakdown, clean, and clear the eff out. During breakdown, he kept saying ‘don’t leave yet.’ Uhhh..not sure if that was meant to be sweet or creepy. I finally sat to put stuff away in boxes and watched him walk right out, yes, without my information, and never come back. Is that the catch? Was he drunk?  Who knows? He is currently hamming it up in the Dominican with his buddy so it’s not like sufficient conversation would have happened anyway.

til next time, kids. ❤