Guess who’s back..back again?

Shady’s back, tell yo fraaansssss.

I took a brief hiatus from the dating app world because I thought I found a couple of winners. Boy, was I wrong.

Dude 1: Candelabra (name changed) was quite a cutie, who is a chef, liked to laugh and was a little charmer. I was like…ehhh wtf, let’s play. When we met, I had just started a new job  and a week in, was feeling a little stressed. We had planned to meet on a Thursday but Monday rolled around and I thought, let’s see if he might be down for a drink. HE WAS (YAASSS!). We chose a bar near me, Blue Line, and as soon as I walked in I knew he would be trouble…good or bad, that was still tbd.

As I sat down at the bar, I had noticed that there was a shot glass in front of him. I thought mayyybee it could be a leftover from the previous patron but my gut was telling me he needed it to calm him nerves. Whatever, sometimes I take a quick drink at home before a date. I looked past it and tried to find out more about him.

—-I should probably precursor this date a little bit, since we matched on Tinder, he could see our mutual friends. Homeboy is mutual friends with one of my closest friends’ sister, Furfur (name changed). I asked how they knew each other and he said they were “tight butthole” (whatever the fuck that means), and that they knew each other from way back. He apparently helped her purchase special beer for her boyfriend because the bf is a big craft beer fan. Candelabra also said he talked to Furfur on a regular basis. I immediately felt at ease because I knew I could ask my friend or Furfur about him later. We also had two other mutual friends, both sorority Sisters. This will be important later—-

As we sat there, all he kept talking about were the chefs and restaurant managers he was friends with. Impressive on a first date with me because let’s face it, I’M A FAT KID and food is definitely the way to my heart. After a couple of drinks, he took me to Furious Spoon where he knew the chef. We got some free noodles and ONE free beer (because he only got himself one), and then he ended up splitting it with me. I was kind of a bit weary at this point, don’t ask me why. Then we went to a couple more bars, drank, laughed, and got a littleeeee tipsy!

Then he walked me halfway home, and I jumped on him and kissed him. Kiss was meh, but that was fun. We ended up talking everyday for awhile until I asked him about Furfur again, and his story had changed. Now he had only met her once and they only talked a few times. Now, I bet you’re wondering if I asked Furfur about Candelabra.

 

Furfur said that he found her on LinkedIn, chatted on there a bit. She did ask him about beers for her boyfriend. He then friended her on Facebook and they have been friends ever since. They have NEVER met. She also says he has yellow fever….great. I hate that.

I confronted him again about it after hearing this side of the story and he changed his story a third time. “Oh yeah, we met on LinkedIn…or Facebook. I cant remember.” So of course I asked him how he knew my two Sorority Sisters. Apparently one, named Brown went to college with him (I don’t know if this is true or not, but Candelabra referenced her current boyfriend by full name, info that is not accessible on social media) and the other, named Shoey, said, “because he was mutual friends with Brown, I thought he was a friend of the sorority so I just accepted him. We’ve never talked, and never met.” When I asked Candelabra about Shoey, he said he met her on a college campus and they became friends……This is all getting really really shady.

On to date number 3: homeboy invited me over for some homecooked scallops. Score! I had just come over after a networking event where I was a liiitttllle drunk, and told him I was having fun with him (lies). He then started talking about eggs (because he couldn’t ever let the topic be about us or me), and how you’re supposed to add water to scrambled eggs if you want them fluffier. Cool story, bro. I already knew that. Upon me telling him that I knew about the fluffy egg trick, he grabbed a banana and said, “I know this is normally a 3 month salary but this is all I have….[got down on one knee] will you marry me?”

That’s a joke right? NOPE. He legit wanted to marry me. On numerous times (the month that we dated), he brought up marriage. Oh, and he offered me keys to his apartment. Dude, I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR MIDDLE NAME.

Part of me wishes this was just some made up story to entice you to come back and read about my satirical life, but this is real life folks.

I’m going to fast forward to three more important parts to why this wouldn’t have worked out. I realize that I should have run far, far away after the above happened but I am what you call an “emotional cutter,” where you enjoy opening emotional wounds to feel or deal with odd pain? I kind of like drama.

1/3: My birthday rolled around. I went out to dinner with my family and two of my best friends.Candelabra asked what time I was going to be done with dinner, and I said probably around 9-ish, but don’t wait for me. I will text you when I’m close to being done and we can meet up! No joke, 9:01p rolls around and homeboy is texting me asking where I am. DINNER, you douche. I wasn’t even looking at my phone, I was just enjoying my birthday dinner and then responded when I could. It turns out that he was waiting at a bar near my apartment for me. I finally stroll up to the bar at 10-10:15 and the first thing he says to me is, “there’s a group of bikers that wanted me to go with them but I said no because I said I would meet you here.” Joke? Nah. So I responded with, “you legit were considering leaving me for a group of bikers? Man, you should go then.” He laughed, and chucked…nah, I choose you. He was kind of drunk. So again, I asked him how he knew Shoey, and he finally said, he saw her on campus once, memorized her face and found her on Facebook (creepyyy). I was done, if he lies about how he knows people…what the hell else is he lying about? I walked outside, said I couldn’t do this anymore and walked away. About 3 minutes later, I hear heavyyyyy footsteps. Ugh, what?

2/3: He ran up to me with clunky, dramatic footsteps and out of breath said…”I….never…run…after….any….one.” Apparently you never run, at all. You’re out of breath with a 20 meter run…good lawd. “Can…we…please…..gasp…make…this…work. I just…..want…one….more…chance.” UGH, FINE. ONE MORE CHANCE. The next morning, I told him to leave and never talked to him again.

3/3: Sex. Yes, we had it…sort of. We were laying in his bed, and things started to get a little heated. We finally go to have sex, insert dick, and he just stopped. Started looking around and then laid on top of me. I asked if he came, and he said no. Then he pulled out, walked away…and I was like…WTF. That’s gotta make you feel insecure right? Apparently, he was thinking about his DUI while we were having sex.

There’s so many more stories, but I think this sufficiently explains why I decided to be get off the apps and be single for awhile.

Next up: Dude 2.

Stay tuned, dudes and dudettes ❤

Hair Flickeroo

Now this story, you will get a kick out of. Alan (real name) is a guy I met on OKC recently who has a cute face and dimples (sucker.). He is well traveled and is in Chicago getting his teaching certificate to help teach English in Ecuador. I was kind of excited to meet him…until we exchanged numbers and started texting.

This fool should have a job in HR because all he does is ask probing, interview-like questions or make terrible assumptions. I couldn’t just make a statement without the fifth degree. I’m actually regretting deleting our text convo because I can’t remember all the stupid questions he asked. However, I do remember calling him out, “You ask a lot of clarifying questions.” His response, “well I was a journalist so I ask questions.” Are you investigating me? Calm down, child.

Amongst all the texting, we were planning our date. He said he wasn’t from here, so I took the lead in the logistics.
I first asked if he was a beer or cocktail person. “Beer, definitely beer. I love beer.”
Then I asked if he liked to play bar games (it states clear as day in my profile that I would love to play darts, shuffleboard, bags or board games with someone): “I hope you don’t plan on winning shuffleboard, I will kick your ass.”
So therefore I planned for us to go to FatPour on Division, great craft beers and then to The Boundary to play shuffleboard. I forgot that the Bears game was on, so I walked into a pretty crowded bar. Luckily, FP has an awesome upstairs bar with no one at it. As I sat down and chatted with the bartender, Alan creeped up behind me. He didn’t say hi, he just stood awkwardly that I felt his presence and immediately felt uncomfortable. Then after I was done chatting with the bartender, I turned and said, OH HEY! He just smiled and sat down. Maybe he was just nervous? Who knows. The bartender returned shortly and asked what we wanted. I ordered a Porter and he ordered a….CIDER. So much for being a huge beer fan? Now, maybe he just had a big meal or wanted it to go with the chilly fall weather? I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

As we proceeded to chat, he is a mumbler. That doesn’t work for me because I’m half deaf and I make up words when I can’t hear yours, not good. He then proceeded to grab my thighs when talking to me or laughing…which would have been slightly endearing had he not been a creep who didn’t say hi earlier in the date. I had asked him a question about football, to which his response was to FLICK MY HAIR. Not like nicely move it aside, be pushed it like my hair was on fire and needed it away from my face immediately. How does one respond to such an action? I decided we needed a change of pace, stat. After we finished our drinks and halftime rolled around, we closed our tab and walked over to The Boundary. YES, SHUFFLEBOARD. I was hoping that this physical activity might make him come out of his shell more, or at the very least make things a little less awkward.

Welp, exactly the opposite happened.

We ordered drinks. Me: Titos soda with a lime. Alan: CHERRY CIDER. It’s a thing, ladies and gentlemen. I quickly grabbed the shuffleboard pucks and began set-up. All of a sudden, I hear a mumble…”can you remind me how to play again? how do you keep score? where do I stand? Where do I push them?” This is a joke right? You’re going to kick my ass at a game you’ve never played before?

So anyway, I teach him how to play and we begin the match. He is secretly laughing to himself and FLICKING MY HAIR STILL. Also, when it was my turn to push my puck…he didn’t move out of the way or give me room to play. I was so scared his boner bone was going to poke me out of no where. I also held onto my drink for dear life….no roofies for me. After two games, I was so uncomfortable that I used my lower back as an excuse to leave. I quickly gave him a thank you and a hug and peaced the EFF out of there.

He texted me once he got home asking if he could rub my back and help me feel better. No. Blocked, deleted. Death averted.

Blame Canada!

I totally forgot that I owe you a story about Canada. Mm..he is so sexy.

Canada’s name is Tanner (name changed). He is 36, tall, dark, handsome 🙂 We met over OKC, he messaged me and simply said, “Looking good, Chicago.” I was already smitten. I looked at his profile pics and responded with, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Immediately, we started talking about geography because I didn’t understand how he was looking for me from Toronto. Shortly after, he asked if I wanted to iMessage and I happily handed over my phone number.

We chatted for about 2 months with lots of great sexting and half nude photos (no, I won’t do full nudies). Mmmmmm…yum. Until, I said…I have a free weekend in November and I found really cheap flights to Toronto. He told me not to buy the tickets because he didn’t know his work schedule and would get back to me. Well, he never got back to me about his schedule but would simply ask for more photos or more sexting. Noooooooope.

I told him this wouldn’t work if he didn’t ever want to meet or at least make plans. I know it’s a lot to ask of someone you’ve never met…but we can change that. And, if it gets weird…Toronto is a big city and I don’t mind self-exploring. We stopped talking for about a month until recently.

I found him on OKC again and messaged him asking how he was…other small talk bullshit. Then I finally said, I just wanted to let you know that I kind of miss talking with you. His response, “Aw, that’s nice.”

A Choker Necklace

Helloooooo ❤

Sorry I haven’t been updating…the dating life was slightly put on hold due to dieting/choosing a healthy lifestyle AND I stuck it out with Robinson (name changed). He has a great face, nice arms, tall, has a deep voice, laughs a lot, is smart, ambitious, works out, and has a plan to always be better. Sounds like a dream boat, right (toooot toooot)?

I should have know better.

Here is a recap of our dates and why things didn’t end up working out.

Date 1: As you may have read in my last post, we met at Bowtruss coffee early on a Saturday before I went to work. Here are a few details I left out: I walked into the coffeeshop and didn’t realize he was standing in front of me in line. We both ordered our coffee & sat down to chat. We realized we had a lot in common as we talked about how we are both ambitious people who appreciate the value of hardwork, and who came from broken families. One thing that kind of stuck out was that he said he doesn’t really like to go out or drink and I do. I like to hang out 🙂 At the end of the date, I realized that I wanted to see him again. I ended up texting him halfway through work and he said he was working out and looking to have a chill night. Then at the end of my work night, I texted him again and he was wastedddddd. So did he lie to me earlier, or was this just an accidental drunken night?

Date 5: White Sox game. We met up at a Roti for dinner, chatted a bit and then took the Red Line to The Cell. We walked straight to the Bullpen Bar and sat outside on their patio. We got a couple of beers and chatted it up some more. He got a little drunk and kept telling me (in a Borat voice) how much he liked me among telling me about his sexual BDSM preferences.

That got old real fast.

Date something after 5: We bought tickets to a rooftop to watch the Cubs NLDS game 4 in Wrigleyville. [W]. We were bathing in gluttony when all of a sudden, homeboy got drunk because he didn’t eat all day. POOR decisions, bro. We ended up not being able to celebrate post game because he wanted to go home. This is the night where things especially got weird.

We got a little frisky in bed and he was like a freaking jackhammer. This may be TMI, but i enjoy when we warm up to sex and then start slow leading up to the passionate hip-thrusting. Apparently homeboy had no sense of awareness because I was pushing him away and telling him to slow down…nothing changed his pace…then he proceeded to try and CHOKE ME. WTF! I quickly pushed his hand away and somehowwwww, some way, his other hand ended up right back at my neck again. I yelled, FUCK NO, you’re not going to choke me. He laughed, and I started crying. Yeah, I know. I was that girl.

Why the HELL would you think it’s ok to choke someone the first time you have sex???

1. We are just getting to know each other in that way.
2. You’re significantly bigger than me and you work out (nice arms, remember). If you slip or don’t realize your strength AND you’ve been drinking…yeahh….
3. What.The.Fuck.

That wasn’t even the icing on the cake. He gets off me, asks if I’m ok then says (and I quote), “Greaaatt, now I have blue balls. Thanks a lot.”

However, being the ridiculous person I am…I still stuck it out. We ended up having decent sex the next morning. Afterwards, all he talked about was how he’s never had to take it slow with any girl? Why is that information you think I would want to know? I don’t give two shits about these other broads, this is a sexual situation between you and me, bro. (He was such a bro that as I’m typing this, I’m deeming it necessary to dumb down my sentences by ending them all with ,BRO. I apologize in advance.) Then, we went to brunch and said goodbye.

We later had plans that upcoming weekend to go to a pumpkin patch because he said he wanted to take me on a proper date. I love October and pumpkin patches and Fall, so needless to say…I was pretty pumped about this date! That is, until the Friday before he calls me to say that instead of our date, he would like to go watch the Ohio State game? Ok, I wasn’t upset because I understand how big of a Buckeyes fan he is but being a planner…I was slightly irritated. However, since he took the time to tell me his wishes, I basically game him a ‘get out of jail free card.’ I told him that if he wanted to watch the OSU game instead of our planned agenda to let me know now and we would reschedule. He started to vacillate back and forth saying that he would make a gametime decision on Saturday. No no, momma don’t play that game, bro. Then I started to get upset. You want to cancel on our plans, but then you don’t? Then you claim you’re spontaneous and want to make a decision when you think the decision needs to be made. Nope.

That is when I decided it was game over.

Robinson called me once on Saturday, and then texted me Sunday to say “hey I called you Saturday but you didn’t answer.” No shit, Sherlock. I responded to his text on Monday and said, I think we’d be great friends. He responded and said, “ok, are we still good to go on Halloween?” I responded, “Sure.” He never showed up for Halloween…no skin off my back.

Til next time,

Ketchup

Playing catch up, I’m so sorry I haven’t been posting.

+ Texas boy, Harding  and I have a nice long date in February when I head to Austin for one of my good friend’s birthdays. I’m curious to see how this turns out. We don’t chat nearly as often as we used to.

+ Chuck, yes…this mudderfudder still exists. We had some boring sex a couple of weeks ago and just two days ago, this bike ride-loving man got nailed by a woman’s car door. I randomly ran into him on the street yesterday and saw his zombie apocalypse leg. I freaking got butterflies….WHY CAN’T I GET OVER HIM. Someone smack me please.

+ New boy, Robinson has been peaking my interest lately. About a month ago, we went on our first date: coffee at Bowtruss. First off, Bowtruss is amazeballs. I was so impressed with their cold press and Ethopian blend. Our first date was good, I was on my way into work and only had about an hour and a half with him. We chatted about lots of topics and laughed. It was good. He is WAY cuter in person than in his Tinder photos.

2nd date: We met up at a beer festival and then went kareoking. He grabbed my hand to hold and we invited this old couple to hang out with us. Too bad that couple dipped on us hahahaha! They did ask if he was my husband, which was weird but kind of cute?

3rd date: I was told recently that my job most likely will be non-existent next year…so I decided that I wanted to go out and drink. He was so sweet and asked if I wanted to go have some drinks with him. We went to a bar with darts and played for shots. He sharked me twice but it was so much fun! Then he took out money to buy me a taco and rice and then I walked home. It was really nice that he took care of me like that.

4th date: I cancelled because I got really sick. We were supposed to go to Kuma’s and then to Galway Bay, which would have been a really fun night but I wasn’t feeling hot. He was graciously understanding and allowed me to be sick 🙂 He even said he would bring me some soup.

Real 4th date: White Sox game (boo). We got dinner first, chatted and then got into really deep conversation on our way to the sox game. It was crazy but we opened up about our sexual preferences and our families and history. It was weird because I felt comfortable talking to him, like he wasn’t going to judge me. We brought up relationship stuff, and here’s the thing — I hate who I have become when jumping into a relationship: insecure, worrisome, anxious, like I have something to lose already. I love who I am now — carefree, happy, and fun. I don’t want that to change. I know, I know, I have the power to step back and change those aspects of me…butttttttt, waaaaa…I’ve been hurt a lot and I allow it to keep happening.

Back to sexual preferences as well, this boy decided to tell me how much he likes BDSM and how he is a huge freak. He likes to use belts, and be choked, and grab girls by the waist and flip them around. I’m kind of scared to sleep with him…

Here’s the ironic catch to it all, I think he’s a little boring and his kisses aren’t very passionate. Maybe he’s just holding back but how do you even begin to have that conversation?

I guess we will see what happens.

Gosh, now I feel like I’m getting boring. The details aren’t really there, are they?

Back on Tinder

My dating life has been rather stale lately but my roommate, Greg (name changed), is just coming back to life!

He and his girlfriend of just over a year broke up this past weekend and he is back in the Tinder game. As I’ve mentioned previously, his game was to swipe right to everyone and then weed them out from the matches. His game cracks me up, but also makes me feel a bit more insecure about the conversations I have with my matches.

Girl: Wait, you read my profile? that wasn’t for you!
Greg: I lied, I didn’t. So you’re good.
Girl: Ok, Phew
Greg: Truth is, I think I accidentally swiped right.

—

Greg: Hey girl, I’d give you the password to my wifi any day
Girl: Gimme
Greg: Well you gotta come over first damnit! Haha

—

Greg: I’m going on a date tonight!
Me: Ooo, what’s her name?
Greg: I don’t know how to pronounce it. I like them brown chicks.

—

Greg: I told someone today if she were a fruit, she’d be a fineapple
Me: That’s amazing.
Greg: No kidding

No manners

I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my dates. I haven’t been actively dating as much because of this detox!

Update 1: I was supposed to have a date with this gal named Wendy (real name). I met her through Happn, and she’s a cute girl who just graduated and wants to move into psychology and currently works as a waitress at Sunda. She was unapologetically communicative, I liked that about her. We met on a Thursday and she was travelling to San Francisco for the weekend. While she was away, I received plenty of texts about her trip, almost missing her flight, working at Sunda, living in the burbs, her full name (to find her on the Facebookers)…I think she was pretty serious.

However, there were two tiny things about her that kept popping back up as red flags. (A) I really wasn’t thaaaat attracted to her. (B) she consistently used ellipses (…) instead of just ending her thought with a period and a space, or a comma.

I had addressed the ellipses a couple of times and she would just avoid the question. The third time, I said, “can you explain this obsession with using the ellipsis?” She repsonded, “ellipsis?” (ok..seriously, GOOGLE IT if you don’t know. I thought you were educated.) So I kindly respond, “….” She still didn’t get it.

We progressed in conversation, and then I had to ask again. I mean, it was getting that bad. I finally explained what it was to her (while she finally Google’d it) and she said, “turn off lol?” my response: “kind of. I just think it’s super unnecessary.”

…and fin.

Update 2: No manners Matt (name changed). Matt and I originally met on Happn, chatted for probably two months between Happn and texting. Then that sort of fell off the wagon. No big. Then, I saw him on OKC and just had to say hello (no other intentions but to say hello). He quickly responded and we started chatting again. He asked when I was free to hang out, and I told him all about my detox diet, which equates to no drinking or eating. I would be happy to hang out wherever, but I didn’t want it to seem weird when I wasn’t ordering my typical Ketel soda with a lime. To my surprise, he was ok with it! Grrreaaaaat!

We had planned to get together a couple of times but things kept coming up: being out of the city, parents, pets, etc. I wasn’t too upset about it. Finally, a couple of Sundays ago he asked when I was free. I mentioned that I was free on Wednesday and he planned a mini golf outing for us 🙂 He picked me up and drove out to Norridge to an indoor, glow-in-the-dark mini golf center. It was a ton of fun! When he dropped me back home, I awkwardly got out of the car after side hugging him and said, I will talk to you soon.

We had snapchatted a lot more during the week and finally I asked him if we was free on Labor Day Monday. He said he was working but we could hang out afterwards. Since I am not drinking, coming up with date ideas has been more interesting 🙂 I asked if he might be down for board games in the park. The date was set!

On Monday, I asked if he wanted me to make him dinner because I had to meal prep for myself and eat during our date. I didn’t want him to feel left out or awkward. He said, sure! So I made him a porkchop with caramelized apples & onions along with red-skinned, whipped potatoes and sauteed kale.  He said he didn’t like potatoes….wtf. Who doesn’t like potatoes?! and that the apples tasted weird. Then he goes, “oh I’m picky.” WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT SAY SOMETHING EARLIER! I busted my ass for that meal after being in the kitchen for 8 hours meal prepping (insert misogynistic joke here). We played some games and he said he had to leave because of an early work day. After packing up, he walked me back and kissed me.

A. awful kiss.
B. he saw that I was carrying two bags full of stuff and didn’t offer to help.
C. he never said thank you for the meal, or setting up the date.

Soooo long story short, that’s over.

Update 3 Harding (from Tejas) and I still talk some. I really enjoy talking to him. I don’t know why I get along so well with people outside of Chicago/Illinois. Later this week, I’m going to tell you all about Canada.

Dieting isn’t good for dating

Based on my interactions with people on these dating apps, the general consensus comes to: NOPE, we don’t want to meet you because I cannot possibly have a good time without booze.

These are a few of the situations I’ve encountered:

Patrick from Happn – I like to have a few beers on the first date. (Me): Oh you can drink, I don’t mind. I just won’t be. (P): No, I’d rather wait for you. Reach out to me mid September and we can set something up. (Me): Okies. Then he unmatched me. How the hell am I supposed to reach out if you disappear, you ween.

Pierre – I don’t drink either, but I’d love to take you for a nice dinner. (Me) ok, that sounds great, when do you want to set that up. (P): I can wait until then and we do something before that as well. (Me): Okies. Then he never planned anything. Meh.

I have two dates scheduled with people who know that I am on this diet, we will see how they go. One’s tomorrow and one is on Labor Day Monday 😀

Ultimate Reset

Happy Friday, lovers.

I’m on day 4 of the Beachbody Ultimate Reset and here is how that’s going:

Day 1: Not so bad! I can eat delicious food that I poured my heart and sweat into. It’s kind of rewarding to eat food that you worked hard on. There’s this extra taste of victory.

Taking the supplements confused me at first because they are timed…so do I take the next set of pills 2 hours after I start eating or after I finish eating? It doesn’t help that I have this phobia of swallowing pills…so opening these capsules to dump powders that taste like I’m getting my teeth drilled by the dentist is a THRILL.

Something I learned quickly: I scoped out a shopping list online to make my life easier and just ordered literally everything on that damn list. Yeah…I’ve got a ton of leftovers. I would highly suggest doing this program with a friend or some sort of support system. It’s hard enough to keep yourself accountable but this person can SPLIT the cost and supplies with you *gasp*. It’s not that I don’t love having extra nori left in my cabinet, but it would be beneficial to split it up and only pay half, yo. Also, look through the book and bookmark the recipes you like — yes, you don’t have to eat everything specifically as listed. While it’s highly recommended, it’s not completely necessary. This journey is about you and making yourself feel better. You won’t feel better if you end up eating schtuff you don’t like/ aren’t excited about.

Also, set aside a lot of time to meal prep. It sucks but is totally worth it during the week. We are all busy and have other things to focus on. Meal prepping takes your mind off of one less thing during the week and hell, who doesn’t like to wake up an hour before they have to get to work?

Day 2: Ok, ok. I got this shiz now. Supplements under control. Meals prepped. UNTIL my boss orders a platter of Jimmy John’s sandwiches. Woof. That took some strong will. I won’t lie, I totally nose-fucked the crap out of that platter but held strong on self-control. This may be the hardest thing I have ever done.

Dinner is amazeballs: Black beans and rice with an avocado – pico mix and a corn tortilla. Spit on your neck, kick you in the crotch fantastic, but fo real – it’s awesome.

Day 3: I decide that I like the black beans & rice so much that I eat it again for dinner. No harm 🙂 I realize that I haven’t been pooping as much as I thought I would.

I’m sure talking about poop publicly is going to help my dating life….oh well.

–Dating has been interesting. Everyone is quite interested in why I’m doing this. It looks like I’m popping drugs instead of supplements which confuses some people. I haven’t been on any dates yet, but I have a weird set-up with a friend of a friend on Sunday. We are heading to the Ren Faire in Wisconsin. Then Sunday night, I’m meeting up with this guy to play games at Headquarters in River North. This should be quite an adventure 🙂

In a funk

I’m feeling pretty lonely in this big city. I have a wonderful support system outside of this state but Chicago and Illinois have left me to fend for myself.

My friends from home are sweet whenever we hang out, but I don’t really know anything about them anymore. All we do is get wasted, which is fun…but also gets exhausting and fattening.

Sorority sisters have all disappeared at one time or another. Then there’s that time I tried to be close friends with girls who are a decade younger than me….because I felt lonely. They don’t see me as a friend, they see me as a leader/mentor. Awks.

I just want a group of friends who wants to have dinner dates, and watch TV/movies together, and can hold their drinks. Classy kids who look good and hold themselves well and can make each other laugh. I want people who include me in fun group texts and where we fight but still love each other. Hello, FRIENDS and HIMYM?

Maybe that’s why I am seeking out more dates for company…
I’m in a funk.

Le sigh.