Blame Canada!

I totally forgot that I owe you a story about Canada. Mm..he is so sexy.

Canada’s name is Tanner (name changed). He is 36, tall, dark, handsome 🙂 We met over OKC, he messaged me and simply said, “Looking good, Chicago.” I was already smitten. I looked at his profile pics and responded with, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Immediately, we started talking about geography because I didn’t understand how he was looking for me from Toronto. Shortly after, he asked if I wanted to iMessage and I happily handed over my phone number.

We chatted for about 2 months with lots of great sexting and half nude photos (no, I won’t do full nudies). Mmmmmm…yum. Until, I said…I have a free weekend in November and I found really cheap flights to Toronto. He told me not to buy the tickets because he didn’t know his work schedule and would get back to me. Well, he never got back to me about his schedule but would simply ask for more photos or more sexting. Noooooooope.

I told him this wouldn’t work if he didn’t ever want to meet or at least make plans. I know it’s a lot to ask of someone you’ve never met…but we can change that. And, if it gets weird…Toronto is a big city and I don’t mind self-exploring. We stopped talking for about a month until recently.

I found him on OKC again and messaged him asking how he was…other small talk bullshit. Then I finally said, I just wanted to let you know that I kind of miss talking with you. His response, “Aw, that’s nice.”

A Choker Necklace

Helloooooo ❤

Sorry I haven’t been updating…the dating life was slightly put on hold due to dieting/choosing a healthy lifestyle AND I stuck it out with Robinson (name changed). He has a great face, nice arms, tall, has a deep voice, laughs a lot, is smart, ambitious, works out, and has a plan to always be better. Sounds like a dream boat, right (toooot toooot)?

I should have know better.

Here is a recap of our dates and why things didn’t end up working out.

Date 1: As you may have read in my last post, we met at Bowtruss coffee early on a Saturday before I went to work. Here are a few details I left out: I walked into the coffeeshop and didn’t realize he was standing in front of me in line. We both ordered our coffee & sat down to chat. We realized we had a lot in common as we talked about how we are both ambitious people who appreciate the value of hardwork, and who came from broken families. One thing that kind of stuck out was that he said he doesn’t really like to go out or drink and I do. I like to hang out 🙂 At the end of the date, I realized that I wanted to see him again. I ended up texting him halfway through work and he said he was working out and looking to have a chill night. Then at the end of my work night, I texted him again and he was wastedddddd. So did he lie to me earlier, or was this just an accidental drunken night?

Date 5: White Sox game. We met up at a Roti for dinner, chatted a bit and then took the Red Line to The Cell. We walked straight to the Bullpen Bar and sat outside on their patio. We got a couple of beers and chatted it up some more. He got a little drunk and kept telling me (in a Borat voice) how much he liked me among telling me about his sexual BDSM preferences.

That got old real fast.

Date something after 5: We bought tickets to a rooftop to watch the Cubs NLDS game 4 in Wrigleyville. [W]. We were bathing in gluttony when all of a sudden, homeboy got drunk because he didn’t eat all day. POOR decisions, bro. We ended up not being able to celebrate post game because he wanted to go home. This is the night where things especially got weird.

We got a little frisky in bed and he was like a freaking jackhammer. This may be TMI, but i enjoy when we warm up to sex and then start slow leading up to the passionate hip-thrusting. Apparently homeboy had no sense of awareness because I was pushing him away and telling him to slow down…nothing changed his pace…then he proceeded to try and CHOKE ME. WTF! I quickly pushed his hand away and somehowwwww, some way, his other hand ended up right back at my neck again. I yelled, FUCK NO, you’re not going to choke me. He laughed, and I started crying. Yeah, I know. I was that girl.

Why the HELL would you think it’s ok to choke someone the first time you have sex???

1. We are just getting to know each other in that way.
2. You’re significantly bigger than me and you work out (nice arms, remember). If you slip or don’t realize your strength AND you’ve been drinking…yeahh….
3. What.The.Fuck.

That wasn’t even the icing on the cake. He gets off me, asks if I’m ok then says (and I quote), “Greaaatt, now I have blue balls. Thanks a lot.”

However, being the ridiculous person I am…I still stuck it out. We ended up having decent sex the next morning. Afterwards, all he talked about was how he’s never had to take it slow with any girl? Why is that information you think I would want to know? I don’t give two shits about these other broads, this is a sexual situation between you and me, bro. (He was such a bro that as I’m typing this, I’m deeming it necessary to dumb down my sentences by ending them all with ,BRO. I apologize in advance.) Then, we went to brunch and said goodbye.

We later had plans that upcoming weekend to go to a pumpkin patch because he said he wanted to take me on a proper date. I love October and pumpkin patches and Fall, so needless to say…I was pretty pumped about this date! That is, until the Friday before he calls me to say that instead of our date, he would like to go watch the Ohio State game? Ok, I wasn’t upset because I understand how big of a Buckeyes fan he is but being a planner…I was slightly irritated. However, since he took the time to tell me his wishes, I basically game him a ‘get out of jail free card.’ I told him that if he wanted to watch the OSU game instead of our planned agenda to let me know now and we would reschedule. He started to vacillate back and forth saying that he would make a gametime decision on Saturday. No no, momma don’t play that game, bro. Then I started to get upset. You want to cancel on our plans, but then you don’t? Then you claim you’re spontaneous and want to make a decision when you think the decision needs to be made. Nope.

That is when I decided it was game over.

Robinson called me once on Saturday, and then texted me Sunday to say “hey I called you Saturday but you didn’t answer.” No shit, Sherlock. I responded to his text on Monday and said, I think we’d be great friends. He responded and said, “ok, are we still good to go on Halloween?” I responded, “Sure.” He never showed up for Halloween…no skin off my back.

Til next time,

Ketchup

Playing catch up, I’m so sorry I haven’t been posting.

+ Texas boy, Harding  and I have a nice long date in February when I head to Austin for one of my good friend’s birthdays. I’m curious to see how this turns out. We don’t chat nearly as often as we used to.

+ Chuck, yes…this mudderfudder still exists. We had some boring sex a couple of weeks ago and just two days ago, this bike ride-loving man got nailed by a woman’s car door. I randomly ran into him on the street yesterday and saw his zombie apocalypse leg. I freaking got butterflies….WHY CAN’T I GET OVER HIM. Someone smack me please.

+ New boy, Robinson has been peaking my interest lately. About a month ago, we went on our first date: coffee at Bowtruss. First off, Bowtruss is amazeballs. I was so impressed with their cold press and Ethopian blend. Our first date was good, I was on my way into work and only had about an hour and a half with him. We chatted about lots of topics and laughed. It was good. He is WAY cuter in person than in his Tinder photos.

2nd date: We met up at a beer festival and then went kareoking. He grabbed my hand to hold and we invited this old couple to hang out with us. Too bad that couple dipped on us hahahaha! They did ask if he was my husband, which was weird but kind of cute?

3rd date: I was told recently that my job most likely will be non-existent next year…so I decided that I wanted to go out and drink. He was so sweet and asked if I wanted to go have some drinks with him. We went to a bar with darts and played for shots. He sharked me twice but it was so much fun! Then he took out money to buy me a taco and rice and then I walked home. It was really nice that he took care of me like that.

4th date: I cancelled because I got really sick. We were supposed to go to Kuma’s and then to Galway Bay, which would have been a really fun night but I wasn’t feeling hot. He was graciously understanding and allowed me to be sick 🙂 He even said he would bring me some soup.

Real 4th date: White Sox game (boo). We got dinner first, chatted and then got into really deep conversation on our way to the sox game. It was crazy but we opened up about our sexual preferences and our families and history. It was weird because I felt comfortable talking to him, like he wasn’t going to judge me. We brought up relationship stuff, and here’s the thing — I hate who I have become when jumping into a relationship: insecure, worrisome, anxious, like I have something to lose already. I love who I am now — carefree, happy, and fun. I don’t want that to change. I know, I know, I have the power to step back and change those aspects of me…butttttttt, waaaaa…I’ve been hurt a lot and I allow it to keep happening.

Back to sexual preferences as well, this boy decided to tell me how much he likes BDSM and how he is a huge freak. He likes to use belts, and be choked, and grab girls by the waist and flip them around. I’m kind of scared to sleep with him…

Here’s the ironic catch to it all, I think he’s a little boring and his kisses aren’t very passionate. Maybe he’s just holding back but how do you even begin to have that conversation?

I guess we will see what happens.

Gosh, now I feel like I’m getting boring. The details aren’t really there, are they?

Back on Tinder

My dating life has been rather stale lately but my roommate, Greg (name changed), is just coming back to life!

He and his girlfriend of just over a year broke up this past weekend and he is back in the Tinder game. As I’ve mentioned previously, his game was to swipe right to everyone and then weed them out from the matches. His game cracks me up, but also makes me feel a bit more insecure about the conversations I have with my matches.

Girl: Wait, you read my profile? that wasn’t for you!
Greg: I lied, I didn’t. So you’re good.
Girl: Ok, Phew
Greg: Truth is, I think I accidentally swiped right.

—

Greg: Hey girl, I’d give you the password to my wifi any day
Girl: Gimme
Greg: Well you gotta come over first damnit! Haha

—

Greg: I’m going on a date tonight!
Me: Ooo, what’s her name?
Greg: I don’t know how to pronounce it. I like them brown chicks.

—

Greg: I told someone today if she were a fruit, she’d be a fineapple
Me: That’s amazing.
Greg: No kidding

No manners

I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my dates. I haven’t been actively dating as much because of this detox!

Update 1: I was supposed to have a date with this gal named Wendy (real name). I met her through Happn, and she’s a cute girl who just graduated and wants to move into psychology and currently works as a waitress at Sunda. She was unapologetically communicative, I liked that about her. We met on a Thursday and she was travelling to San Francisco for the weekend. While she was away, I received plenty of texts about her trip, almost missing her flight, working at Sunda, living in the burbs, her full name (to find her on the Facebookers)…I think she was pretty serious.

However, there were two tiny things about her that kept popping back up as red flags. (A) I really wasn’t thaaaat attracted to her. (B) she consistently used ellipses (…) instead of just ending her thought with a period and a space, or a comma.

I had addressed the ellipses a couple of times and she would just avoid the question. The third time, I said, “can you explain this obsession with using the ellipsis?” She repsonded, “ellipsis?” (ok..seriously, GOOGLE IT if you don’t know. I thought you were educated.) So I kindly respond, “….” She still didn’t get it.

We progressed in conversation, and then I had to ask again. I mean, it was getting that bad. I finally explained what it was to her (while she finally Google’d it) and she said, “turn off lol?” my response: “kind of. I just think it’s super unnecessary.”

…and fin.

Update 2: No manners Matt (name changed). Matt and I originally met on Happn, chatted for probably two months between Happn and texting. Then that sort of fell off the wagon. No big. Then, I saw him on OKC and just had to say hello (no other intentions but to say hello). He quickly responded and we started chatting again. He asked when I was free to hang out, and I told him all about my detox diet, which equates to no drinking or eating. I would be happy to hang out wherever, but I didn’t want it to seem weird when I wasn’t ordering my typical Ketel soda with a lime. To my surprise, he was ok with it! Grrreaaaaat!

We had planned to get together a couple of times but things kept coming up: being out of the city, parents, pets, etc. I wasn’t too upset about it. Finally, a couple of Sundays ago he asked when I was free. I mentioned that I was free on Wednesday and he planned a mini golf outing for us 🙂 He picked me up and drove out to Norridge to an indoor, glow-in-the-dark mini golf center. It was a ton of fun! When he dropped me back home, I awkwardly got out of the car after side hugging him and said, I will talk to you soon.

We had snapchatted a lot more during the week and finally I asked him if we was free on Labor Day Monday. He said he was working but we could hang out afterwards. Since I am not drinking, coming up with date ideas has been more interesting 🙂 I asked if he might be down for board games in the park. The date was set!

On Monday, I asked if he wanted me to make him dinner because I had to meal prep for myself and eat during our date. I didn’t want him to feel left out or awkward. He said, sure! So I made him a porkchop with caramelized apples & onions along with red-skinned, whipped potatoes and sauteed kale.  He said he didn’t like potatoes….wtf. Who doesn’t like potatoes?! and that the apples tasted weird. Then he goes, “oh I’m picky.” WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT SAY SOMETHING EARLIER! I busted my ass for that meal after being in the kitchen for 8 hours meal prepping (insert misogynistic joke here). We played some games and he said he had to leave because of an early work day. After packing up, he walked me back and kissed me.

A. awful kiss.
B. he saw that I was carrying two bags full of stuff and didn’t offer to help.
C. he never said thank you for the meal, or setting up the date.

Soooo long story short, that’s over.

Update 3 Harding (from Tejas) and I still talk some. I really enjoy talking to him. I don’t know why I get along so well with people outside of Chicago/Illinois. Later this week, I’m going to tell you all about Canada.

Dieting isn’t good for dating

Based on my interactions with people on these dating apps, the general consensus comes to: NOPE, we don’t want to meet you because I cannot possibly have a good time without booze.

These are a few of the situations I’ve encountered:

Patrick from Happn – I like to have a few beers on the first date. (Me): Oh you can drink, I don’t mind. I just won’t be. (P): No, I’d rather wait for you. Reach out to me mid September and we can set something up. (Me): Okies. Then he unmatched me. How the hell am I supposed to reach out if you disappear, you ween.

Pierre – I don’t drink either, but I’d love to take you for a nice dinner. (Me) ok, that sounds great, when do you want to set that up. (P): I can wait until then and we do something before that as well. (Me): Okies. Then he never planned anything. Meh.

I have two dates scheduled with people who know that I am on this diet, we will see how they go. One’s tomorrow and one is on Labor Day Monday 😀

Ultimate Reset

Happy Friday, lovers.

I’m on day 4 of the Beachbody Ultimate Reset and here is how that’s going:

Day 1: Not so bad! I can eat delicious food that I poured my heart and sweat into. It’s kind of rewarding to eat food that you worked hard on. There’s this extra taste of victory.

Taking the supplements confused me at first because they are timed…so do I take the next set of pills 2 hours after I start eating or after I finish eating? It doesn’t help that I have this phobia of swallowing pills…so opening these capsules to dump powders that taste like I’m getting my teeth drilled by the dentist is a THRILL.

Something I learned quickly: I scoped out a shopping list online to make my life easier and just ordered literally everything on that damn list. Yeah…I’ve got a ton of leftovers. I would highly suggest doing this program with a friend or some sort of support system. It’s hard enough to keep yourself accountable but this person can SPLIT the cost and supplies with you *gasp*. It’s not that I don’t love having extra nori left in my cabinet, but it would be beneficial to split it up and only pay half, yo. Also, look through the book and bookmark the recipes you like — yes, you don’t have to eat everything specifically as listed. While it’s highly recommended, it’s not completely necessary. This journey is about you and making yourself feel better. You won’t feel better if you end up eating schtuff you don’t like/ aren’t excited about.

Also, set aside a lot of time to meal prep. It sucks but is totally worth it during the week. We are all busy and have other things to focus on. Meal prepping takes your mind off of one less thing during the week and hell, who doesn’t like to wake up an hour before they have to get to work?

Day 2: Ok, ok. I got this shiz now. Supplements under control. Meals prepped. UNTIL my boss orders a platter of Jimmy John’s sandwiches. Woof. That took some strong will. I won’t lie, I totally nose-fucked the crap out of that platter but held strong on self-control. This may be the hardest thing I have ever done.

Dinner is amazeballs: Black beans and rice with an avocado – pico mix and a corn tortilla. Spit on your neck, kick you in the crotch fantastic, but fo real – it’s awesome.

Day 3: I decide that I like the black beans & rice so much that I eat it again for dinner. No harm 🙂 I realize that I haven’t been pooping as much as I thought I would.

I’m sure talking about poop publicly is going to help my dating life….oh well.

–Dating has been interesting. Everyone is quite interested in why I’m doing this. It looks like I’m popping drugs instead of supplements which confuses some people. I haven’t been on any dates yet, but I have a weird set-up with a friend of a friend on Sunday. We are heading to the Ren Faire in Wisconsin. Then Sunday night, I’m meeting up with this guy to play games at Headquarters in River North. This should be quite an adventure 🙂

In a funk

I’m feeling pretty lonely in this big city. I have a wonderful support system outside of this state but Chicago and Illinois have left me to fend for myself.

My friends from home are sweet whenever we hang out, but I don’t really know anything about them anymore. All we do is get wasted, which is fun…but also gets exhausting and fattening.

Sorority sisters have all disappeared at one time or another. Then there’s that time I tried to be close friends with girls who are a decade younger than me….because I felt lonely. They don’t see me as a friend, they see me as a leader/mentor. Awks.

I just want a group of friends who wants to have dinner dates, and watch TV/movies together, and can hold their drinks. Classy kids who look good and hold themselves well and can make each other laugh. I want people who include me in fun group texts and where we fight but still love each other. Hello, FRIENDS and HIMYM?

Maybe that’s why I am seeking out more dates for company…
I’m in a funk.

Le sigh.

New Adventure

I’m embarking on a new life adventure today.

My friend Emily and I are starting the Beachbody Ultimate Reset, which is going to restart our bodies and clean us out. We are both pretty excited, but for the next three weeks my dating, social and work life is going to drastically alter. Since I work in special events, I am always going to networking or industry events which always  = food, booze and schmooze. I will not be able to partake in any of the food & booze, and I don’t have a strong enough will power to say no if it’s in front of me.

I am interested to see how this changes my dating life. So far, one guy Jordan, has made light of the situation and asked if I was going to take advantage of him because he would be drinking and I wouldn’t have any liquor in me.

I guess we will see what happens 🙂

Cross state lines

Happy Monday loves ❤

This past weekend I visited two dear friends in Houston. This trip has been planned for about 3 months and I had a wonderful time. I even went on a triple date on Saturday night!

Back story: About a month ago on Tinder, I was swiping right to everyone (thanks to my roommate’s grand idea) just to see who I got and then weeding it down from there. One guy, Harding (name changed) had started chatting with me. He isn’t particularly drop dead gorgeous, but he was actually really interesting to talk to. Turns out we had a lot in common with Disney, discussing feminism, Harry Potter, food and booze, so yay! After a bit of deeper conversation, he is from Austin, TX and was in Chicago to see friends. We tried to meet up once near my apartment but I ended up falling asleep.

Anyway, we kept texting after he left Chicago and I told him that I would be in Houston in August. Not looking at a map, or knowing how far Austin was he gave me suggestions on places to see. Then later, he asked if I had wanted to get dinner on Saturday night because he was going to be out in my direction any way. That’s sweet but I was only in town for two nights…and I wasn’t sure what my friends had planned. I asked them if they might be down for a double date? They said, of course! We would go get Mexican food then head over to Top Golf. Perfect. I told Harding and he was excited about it.

Finally, we solidified plans and he was going to be about 20 minutes late since his cousin lived farther away than he thought. Turns out, homeboy drove almost 3 hours just to see me (I didn’t know this until the end of the night). Back to the date night.

Saturday rolls around and I confirmed plans with Harding regarding timing and places. He said he would text if he was running late, perfect. My friends and I went out for a delicious brunch and bloody mary’s. Then we went to this fancy outdoor mall and walked around for a bit. Finally, we went home and watched a movie. I ended up taking a quick cat nap and then waking up to learn how to use a golf club (I’ve never been and my buddy didn’t want me looking too foolish). I quickly got ready and we headed to the Mexican restaurant. My friends had some of their friends meet us as well. I told him to text me when he got here so I could meet him outside prior to introducing him to the troops. He walks in and is a little sweaty, I totally forgot that he rode his motorcycle all the way…shiz. However, he is a lot cuter in person….even though his chops were Wolverine style.

After introductions, we sat down and started chatting. I instantly felt a connection with him but was nervous and did my ‘look away, don’t maintain eye contact’ gig. We ate food (my taco’s were nasty…lame) then drove over to Top Golf. It was over a 2-hour wait, so we ended up going to a bar called Bareback. They had an open concept with picnic tables and TONS of lawn games. I was in love. They had bags, giant beer pong sans beer, horseshoes, shuffleboard, giant Jenga and darts. As we walked up to the bar, he asked if he could buy me a drink. Que cute!

We sat down and waited patiently to play bags. Since we had to win the board back, I just sat next to him and we chatted. We just had good conversation, it made me smile. Then we played bags and dominated 😀 He said I was hot for scoring most of the points. Hah, it’s my gameeeee.

Then we moved over to play giant Jenga and started some interesting bets. I ended up having to grab his ass and doing the chicken dance. We laughed a lot, which I enjoyed. Then we moved away from the group and just sat to talk. After awhile, our friends came back over and we started playing a small bout of footsie. How high school, but I didn’t mind. Finally, the boys went to close their tabs and my friend asked, “sooooo what’s next?” I said, I feel really bad if he has to drive back to Austin which is 3 hours away and it’s late. I like him, but I don’t want to do anything with him. She said, he’s a big boy…don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. We walked outside, and towards his bike while my friends walked away. He asked what my next plan was, and I said I was going to go back with my friends because all my stuff is there and I had an early flight to catch the next day. He then walked in to kiss me and held me so tight. It felt good to be wanted like that, no implications of sex just a really good kiss.

I texted him on my way back to my friends house saying, you’re a really good kisser. He responded and said I could kiss you until the sun rises. Then he texted me when he got home and said he was still thinking about kissing me. I woke up through the night and kept thinking of him. I texted him and said, I hope you had a good time. Talk to you in the morning. Then I didn’t hear from him allll day. I texted him when I got back to Chicago around 3:30pm, and asked him if he was still sleeping? He said no, I’ve been playing games and doing laundry all day. That bummed me out. I didn’t hear anything more all day, and I wished him a good night. Then this morning, he just said, “I hope you had fun in Houston.”

…so did he want sex? I’m so confused. I thought there was more connection than that. I mean, I know he lives over 900 miles away and if anything moved beyond the point we are at now, it could get complicated. I guess I’m not one to push away opportunities for relationships because who knows what could happen? I never want to say, I wish I did _____.

Being the crazy girl that I am, I want to ask him wtf happened? Is that not ok? I’m really bad at this dating thing.

I just gotta shake it off.